It rains all the time and my ass is wet
by Kream45
Summary: Ash and Iris got lost in a rainforest. They've got little supplies and it's been raining for two weeks now. They must cooperate in order to survive and find their way out.
1. This forest is like really filthy

**/I'm currently sitting on a lecture guys. And I figured that I might as well write this shit while I'm here. It's better than sleeping through the damn thing./**

Ash and Iris were travelling through a valley. The weather was beautiful, the birds were singing...

And then they arrived at the crossroads.

"Alright Ash, take a look." Iris pointed to the left, "If we go that route, we'll end up heads deep in a nasty, foggy, dangerous rainforest. BUT! We don't have to go that way. Because if we go straight, we will arrive at the gym we were going to anyway. ALSO, we can take the right route and stop by at a restaurant. So? Which way we go?"

Ash thought for a few seconds, and then came up with an answer:

"It's obvious." He said, "There is no choice, really."

"Huh?"

"Rainforest it is."

Before Iris could say anything, Ash grabbed her ass and ran into the rainforest SONIC SPEED. Then he stopped and dropped her on the dirty ground. They were ten miles deep in a rainforest.

"You goddamn dipshit!" Iris yelled, "Why did you do this??"

"The forest was calling me, Iris." Ash replied, "I had to respond to the call. Call of the wild. Born to be wild. I was born to be in a rainforest, Iris. This is my purpose in life. I have to be close to the forest. I have to be in the forest. I have to be the forest. I am the forest, Iris. The forest is me. We are one. We are two. We are even three. But not four. That's too much. Anyway, it is my primal need to stay forever in this forest and live a savage life. Just like our ancestors. I have to become one with the forest. I have to form a unity with the forest. I need to prove myself to the forest. I have to become the forest and the forest has to become me. For we are one. Forest and Ash. Ash and Forest. Ash from the Forest. Forest from Ash. You won't understand. Nobody can understand. Only the forest understands. And only I can understand the forest."

"You are a piece of shit." Iris concluded the conversation, "You go die somewhere away from me, while I find a way out myself."

And so, Iris and Ash parted ways. Will Iris be able to escape the clutches of the rainforest? What about Ash? Will the forest accept him? I don't know, lol. Anyway, remember to always eat your greens. They are healthy. Also, drink pineapple juice everyday, because you never know whether or not somebody will aproach you and ask: "Hey, do you like pineapple juice?" and because you drank so much of it, you will HAVE to answer "Yes." And they'll be like "Oh, cool." And you will feel cool.

What did you expect.

 **To be continued. Probably today, because I'm bored af.**


	2. DINO DICCS

„Hmm… that fruit looks tasty…" Iris thought, when she spotted a fruit hanging from a tree.

Because she spent over five hours searching for an exit to no avail, she was like really fucking hungry.

Iris climbed her way on the tree, but then it turned out that the tree was actually a massive dick of a dinosaur pokemon, and the fruit just happened to be hanging from it.

The dinosaur pokemon got very hard, and its dick suddenly grew in size, launching Iris in the air. She landed at the exact spot where Ash left her.

"Son of a BITCH!" she shouted, "I can't believe it! It can't get worse than this!"

And then it started raining :)

Iris tried to hide somewhere, but every bush she tried to hide under turned out to be a rectum of an ancient underground dinosaur pokemon, like wtf.

She spent twenty hours, desperately trying to leave the jungle, but the jungle didn't want her to leave.

And then she met Ash. He was taking a shit under a bush.

"Oh, Iris. How are you doing?" he asked.

"Why is it that you can take a shit and I can't?! Why is it that everytime I want to take a shit, the bush I'm sitting under turns out to be a giant dinosaur anus?! Why does every tree have to be a giant jumbo dick of a dinosaur?!"

"Well... have you tried leaving the dinosaur area?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The area you came from is filled with dinosaurs, but if you just took a few steps forward, you'd be in the normal jungle area."

 **CrAwLiNG iN mY sKiN THeSE woUNDs tHeY wILL NoT heal**

"Don't tell me you actually tried to take a shit under every bush and every tree in that area. Can't you even tell a difference between a dinosaur pokemon's private areas and actual plants?" Ash asked.

"Uh… uuhhh… stfu ur mom gay." Iris replied in a very lame fashion.

"Well anyway, I have become one with the forest. I am the forest now. And I can show you the way out, if you want." Ash proposed.

"You could have said that twenty fucking hours ago, you goddamn dipshit."

"Yep, I could have."

 **To be continued**

Prepare yourselves, because the next chapter will contain WORDS OMFG INOIANDOFNAJFN I CAME OHHHH BOIIII!111sexsexsexpornpornporn


	3. DINO SHITS

„You motherfucker, where's the exit?" Iris gasped, while trying to keep her balance, "We've been walking for like three hours now…"

"Shh!" Ash stopped her.

He kneeled down and put his ear on the ground.

"Listen, I'm so wet right now, I've never been this wet." Iris sighed.

"Oh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Ash got up and smirked, "You dirty, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know I am." Iris replied, "I really need a shower."

"You know what, if you can't even catch my jokes of sexual nature, then you're a really dumb bitch."

"What did you just call me? Also, why did you put your ear to the ground just now?"

"Oh, that's because I've felt mild quakes. There's a stampede of dinosaur Pokemons heading our way at a very fast pace."

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the info."

And then a stampede of dinosaurs trampled over them. Or DID THEY?!

Because it turned out that Ash released a wave of magical, primal rage of the forest, scaring all the dinosaurs, forcing them to bow to him.

"There's nothing to be afraid of in the forest, when you're ruling over the forest, you know?" Ash smiled.

"So the dinosaurs listen to you?" Iris asked.

"Indeed."

"You son of a bitch, you could have asked them to give us a ride to the edge of the forest, and instead you forced me to walk by foot."

Ash scratched his chin.

"That's right. I could have done that."

"You IDIOT. What's the point of having control over the forest when you don't even know how to use your brain?"

"Okay, listen." Ash muffled her mouth with his hand, "I know it's been tough for you when you were a child, I understand and I can relate, too, really."

"GAAH!" Iris released Ash's hand, "What the fuck are you talking about?

"I know how it feels to be living in a poor family… I myself was raised by thugs, and even though they sold drugs, they showed a young brother love."

"? ? ?"

"Recently, I realized that my favorite Scarface song is 'Push It To The Limit'. I haven't watched that movie and I don't know any other song from that movie, but it doesn't matter. It reminds me of the good ol' days when I was ten and played GTA Vice City. I remember that fucking mission where you had to fly an airplane and drop some posters, or wallpapers, I don't fucking remember."

Then Ash realized that Iris was already long gone.

"Fucking filthy-ass nigga, the moment he mentioned Scarface I realized he was actually a retard. I will find an exit myself." She had decided.

Ten days passed since then. The forest didn't seem to end. Iris fed on snakes and funny-looking mushrooms which caused really cool side effects, like growing horns. Or growing a tail. Or growing a dick for a few minutes, just enough for a quick fap.

Cuz like, most guys have at one point in their life wondered what it would be like having a pussy, right? Do girls also wonder what it's like to have a dick? Buzzfeed, cover that one for me, thanks.

Anyway, Iris had already lost any hope to find an exit. The jungle had swallowed her. Like In that weird VR game, where that vocaloid chick eats you, literally, and you get to have a POV of going down her throat. What a weird fucking world we live in, huh.

Iris was taking a shit down a slayed dinosaur's throat, when Ash found her.

"There you are!" he said, "I was looking for you for ten days."

"Why didn't you use your forest powers to locate me?" Iris asked.

Ash scratched his cheek.

"That's actually a good question. I don't know why I haven't done that."

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

"Listen, I know how to get you out of here." Ash stated and made a weird screech, which summoned a giant flying dinosaur, "This dino will get you out of here in no time."

"Wow, you actually came up with something good for a change." Iris smiled and got up on the back of the dino.

"Yeah, just watch out, he really doesn't like black people." Ash warned her.

"So what?" Iris laughed, "… wait, I am black."

And then the dinosaur farted at her and flew away.

"Well, what matters is that I've tried." Ash said.

Iris was about to fucking murder Ash, but then, she realized something.

"Hey… those mushrooms…" she whispered to herself.

"What mushrooms?" Ash asked.

"You get the fuck out of here, I've had enough of your shit already."

"Oh. Well, if that's the case, then I'll be taking my leave, bye."

And then he left.

Meanwhile, Iris stuffed her mouth with the mushrooms. The effects were random, but if she eats enough, she might be able to grow wings.

And she did. The problem was that the wings couldn't carry her, because she also grew a giant dick that was way too heavy.

And then she collapsed and shat herself due to overdosing shrooms.

A month later, she was already used to the jungle, and the jungle was used to her.

But one time when a dinosaur accidentally shat on her, something inside her broke, and she set the entire fucking forest on fire, killing every plant, animal and Pokemon inside. She hid in a cave all this time, and after a few days, the entire forest was destroyed by the fire.

She took a shit on every Pokemon corpse she could find. And she took twenty shits on the one that shat on her that one time. Yeah, she remembered its face.

"IRIS!" Ash yelled at her, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?! You destroyed the forest! And you killed countless Pokemon! Are you proud?!"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you just ask me to lead you to the exit?"

Iris scratched her clit.

"I guess I could have done that." She replied and smirked.

"You destroyed everything I loved." Ash cried.

"I don't care, lol."

Ash then attacked Iris with all of his might.

The fight was full of thunderbolts, tornadoes and sandstorms. Meteorites were flying everywhere, and fire was surrounding the entire place. It was so fucking epic that I just had to copy and paste here those lines from 'The Plagues':

 **I SEND THE SWARM, I SEND THE HORDE**

 **THUS SAID THE LORD**

 **I SEND THE THUNDER FROM THE SKY**

 **I SEND THE FIRE RAINING DOWN**

 **I SEND A HAIL OF BURNING ICE**

 **ON EV'RY FIELD, ON EV'RY TOWN**

 **I SEND THE LOCUSTS ON THE WIND**

 **SUCH AS THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN**

 **ON EV'RY LEAF, ON EV'RY STALK**

 **UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF GREEN**

 **I SEND MY SCOURGE, I SEND MY SWORD**

 **THUS SAID THE LORD**

In the end, Iris beheaded Ash and then bathed in his blood.

Then she transformed into a devil and burned down the whole planet.

 **THE END**

Don't ask, I also have no clue.


End file.
